A man holding a crying young girl | Source: Shutterstock
The OP’s little sister was eleven when their father passed away. The OP and his wife had not welcomed any children then and had no plans to have any children in the future. The couple not wanting children is where the problem came in.
What Happened Between the OP and His Wife?
The OP and his family suffered a significant loss, and as they mourned the loss, they had some difficult decisions to make. However, these decisions caused unexpected tensions. The OP shared:
“My father passed away from pancreatic cancer. There are 2 options for my sister: either I take her in or my uncle [dad’s brother]. So we asked her who she wanted, and she chose me. Here is the problem: My wife and I decided that we did not want kids.”
Upset young girl resting her head on her hand | Source: Shutterstock
Both men knew it was a significant decision and decided to include the little girl, allowing her to choose where she would prefer to live. The little girl decided to stay with the OP.
However, the problem began when the OP’s wife clarified that she did not want children and that taking his sister in would mean that they had a child. The wife argued that since the little girl’s uncle could adopt her, she and her husband shouldn’t have to.
Husband and wife arguing | Source: Shutterstock
The OP said that since his sister was left with no parents after their father had died, he wanted to ensure she recovered healthily, and since she had expressed a desire to be with the OP, he was not going to force her to stay with their uncle.
The decision caused much tension between the girl’s brother and his wife. However, after a while, the OP told his wife that he would let his sister stay with them whether she liked it or not. He also told her they would divorce if she could not accept it. After that, they did not talk for a while.
Man and woman back to back on a couch not talking | Source: Shutterstock
The OP then updated the post, saying he and his wife had talked it over again and decided to go their separate ways. He added:
“She said you really are choosing your sister over me.”
The OP told his wife that he didn’t want to have the conversation again and that whatever she understood of the situation was okay. He also explained that his sister was his priority at that time.
A father and daughter hugging | Source: Shutterstock
That was the last conversation the OP and his wife had. He also said: “I have been living with my sister for 1 week now. Being a single father-ish brother is definitely challenging, but I am really enjoying it.”
What Did People Say?
Many people had strong opinions about the OP’s post, with many agreeing that he had done the right thing for his sister and that his wife was selfish for not opening her home to a young girl in need.
A comment left on the OP’s post | Source: reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/
One person added a valuable piece of advice, saying that if the OP had children or anyone reading had children, they should have a will saying who would take guardianship of their children when they died.
Another person shared their experience, saying after their parents had died, their half-sister took them in, and it was apparent they weren’t wanted there. The person then ran away when they were 15, and neither their half-sister nor her husband reported it.
A comment left on the OP’s post | Source: reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/
This commenter said it had worked out best that the OP and his wife split because his sister would pick up on it if she weren’t welcome. Another person who did not have children said it would have been a dealbreaker even for them.
Some people came to the OP’s wife’s defense, saying she knew her limits and could not care for a child dealing with such immense trauma. Another said the OP’s wife did not want to be a mother, and raising his sister would essentially place her in the position to be one.
A comment left on the OP’s post | Source: reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/
Another person said they would ordinarily side with the wife, but because she had been immature in saying the OP was picking his sister over her, they didn’t feel it was fair on the OP and his sister.
